Saturday, May 31, 2008

Happy Birthday Shivam

Shivam turns three today. I am so thankful to God to be able to see this day today. A couple of months ago, this was looking like an almost impossible dream.

Rewind back a few more months. In January, we thought of celebrating both Shivam's and Meera's birthday together this time. We had even talked to Mummy and Bapu and they also felt they might be able to make it by middle of May. Bundle Mummy-Bapu's anniversary and we had a triple impact party. We hadn't celebrated Shivam's birthday on a big scale till now and we thought this would be a perfect year to do so. Life was stable, work was stable, things were moving at a good pace, yada, yada...

But God had other things in his mind. Come March 19th, and all our plans were shattered and the theme changed to survival. But, as I said earlier, I am so thankful to God for allowing us to hold our precious little son on this day.

Tonight, as I was putting him to sleep (he sleeps on my bed, Urmila sleeps on his), I was hit by another wave of daddy love. He looked so small, so little, so vulnerable, I could help but hug him tighter and shower him with kisses. I placed my finger in his open palms and he wrapped his fingers around them, clinching his fist tight. I felt love and energy flowing through and this moment itched in my heart forever. It was a mental struggle to leave the bed and come share these moments and thoughts with everybody.

We debated a lot in the last few days on whether to celebrate his birthday or not. Although his counts are ok and he is generally well, he will be entering the "consolidation" phase on June 2nd. For the next two months, he will be undergoing severe chemotherapy and his counts will be near zero (if not zero). In the treatment schedule that we were given, it is mentioned that he may have 2-3 blood transfusions every week. Given these scenarios, even a slight bit of infection can be extremely dangerous for him and we felt it was not worth the risk. It was a tough call, but we made it. Hopefully, when Shivam reads this a few years from now, he will not be so mad at me for not celebrating his birthday.

Ms. Leah would be coming in the morning to start his birthday on a playful note. I have also placed his new tricycle (with a new fitting helmet of course) just in front of the stairs so that he can be surprised when he comes down in the morning with Bapu to make tea for everybody.

On a side note, we received 2 boxes to Kaju rolls (Cashew sweets) today. They were sent using Haldiram's online site. The problem is that Haldiram does not realize that they do not put the name of the sender. So, if you read this blog, if you have sent it, please stake your claim so that I can thank you when I gobble them down today.

I wanted to end this post today with a special message for Shivam. I found this poem here.

In all that you've accomplished
You've filled my heart with pride
Most important of all
It's who you are inside

My feelings for you
Comes from deep in my heart
And I miss you so much
Whenever we're apart

It's a real blessing
To have a son like you
Without you in my life
I don't know what I'd do

Happy Birthday my dear son...


Anonymous said...


(looks like i was just waiting for your note)

Shivam many Happy REturns of the Day.. we love you and are proud to have u around us.. your Mom and Dad are just the two most amazing ppl ive met ... Your three today :).. May God shower all his blessings on you and may you have a wonderful life ahead... we are all going to be thinking of you today and may every day bring you good health, cheer and happiness ...

Anonymous said...

heyyyyyyyyyyy its partyyyy timeeeeee....hurrayyyyyyyyyy...



lotss off huggs and kisses too youuuu :)
have a wonderful birthday

Vinay Kapoor said...

Many Many Happy Returns Of The Day Shivam!!! May God bless you with all the happiness in life. Enjoy your day :)
With Lots of love
-Vinay Uncle

Anonymous said...

To Dear Shivam,

Happy Birthday and many happy returns of the day. Though I have not met you till now but u have a special place in my heart. I wish coming year brings you a lot of happiness.

Have a blast.

With lots of love


Anonymous said...

Happy birthday Shivam!!!

Anonymous said...

Wish you a very very Happy Birthday Shivam.

God Bless You!

Lots of hugs and kisses..

heikemuellerberlin said...

Make it a fun day --- and all the best get well wishes for the next year in your life ! Be strong, fight the cancer, grow and laugh a lot ! Taff weeks are in front of you now - always look ahead, there´s so much more to get from life, so go for it !
Big B-day hug from Anna
& her family

Anonymous said...

Happy birthday Shivam.God gives you all the strength to have all the braveness you need in your life.

Love you Shivam

Anonymous said...

Happy birthday......
Hope all went well. Nikhil your post today brought tears in my eyes. I think we lose the good times in thinking of petty things but when we face adversities, is when we get close and cherish each of those moments. We have to learn so much from you all. Shivam, hope you had an awesome day and hope this year brings you all the happiness in the world. May all your dreams come true.
You are just amazing............
Much love

Anonymous said...

I learned something from you yesterday : don't know what's waiting for us tomorrow, enjoy the moment's happiness which might be priceless. Now I am reading your blog, I started thinking, how bravely you welcomed us, how much fun you created for the kids, even if you have so much pain draining through your heart. When I was there at your place, It felt so normal, very happy like all the birthdays. Although I could see from Urmila's eyes how careful she was watching Shivam all the time. I tried to put myself in your place, I don't think I could ever imagine what you are going through.
I pray to God give you all the strength to fight and win and Get Shivam well.
Tell Aunty, Anjan said he tasted the best Bhelpuri in his life.
Take care

Anonymous said...

Happy (Belated) Birthday Shivam!!

God bless you dear... may you have a peaceful, joyful, fruitful, funfilled year ahead...

lots of luv

Anonymous said...

I missed it :((

belated wishes dear....God bless you!

Unknown said...

best bless to you dear... may you have a special birthday wishes and peaceful, joyful, fruitful, funfilled year ahead...